i forget how to flirt. today i went to coffee society. i ordered a small oregon chai and i ordered it with soy milk. male barista said "usually the soy milk is a tad extra but i'll let it slide this time..but next time! next time you'll have to pay." he was smiling, obviously flirting. i said with a straight face and neutrality, "there won't be a next time."

"just kidding," i added, half smile. he laughed.

when my drink was ready he called out "oregon chai latte.....and it magically, not sure how, turned into a medium." flirting again.

"thank you."

OK, so i'm in no position to flirt. happily involved with a sweet man, but still i was a little rude. did i have to be as stiff as i was to get my message across, namely, that i ordered a drink to drink not to make a friend ? i overcompensated. i could've been friendly but clear, but i chose instead to be somewhat cold. why am i writing about this ?

many times, i'll look forward to sharing a snippet or story on my blog, only to realize once i've typed it all out, that it's completely useless to you, my reader, and i'll just come off as pathetic and v. self-involved. next thought: but really this is a personal blog. reader, if you don't like it, leave it.

so, in some ways i'm definitely maturing.

i've been taking initiative at work, presenting myself more confidently in meetings and applying what i've learned over the past year to new situations.

but then, i will come home and ask my mom to paint my nails and she will. and then she'll ask me to turn off the radio and i'll do it, though, grudgingly. i will also snap at my father for switching between chinese talk shows and the giants game. i also can be rude to jordan.

this post's bottom line: i've still got a lot of learning and applying to do. mostly i want to be able to treat my family, friends and boy well..like i should - with care, consistency and understanding. how to be friendly without leading a man on? low proiority.

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Authorjustine lee