No one should have to explain themselves the first day, or even the second. But here I am on day 3, the start of the week...and I'm starting to feel pretty good again. It's really been up and down. I've been racing from thought to thought and not quite settling on one. I'm at once angry, devastated, thankful, physically pained, and uncertain. In a way, it's thrilling that I'm capable of feeling so many different extreme emotions at once...Of course if I had the choice? No.Lucky for me I have some pretty sweet friends. You guys are amazing. Everyone has a little bit of a different perspective, but taking everything together, you (along with my own good sense) have given me the confidence to proceed.In case you're curious, here is my list of what's been feeling good. . .1. laugh - it feels so good to do it. Watching Carrie's transition in the Sex and the City movie was pretty powerful. they captured her pain so well. . .just the despair, the loss of appetite, the wanting nothing but to be in bed. . . and they allowed that to really sink in. but then Charlotte pooped her pants and Carrie had to laugh. No one's gonna lie. The first few days and weeks are hell. but then you hang out with your guys or with your girls and something funny happens. like Clark kicks Jeff or Stevie reads Benjamin Franklin quotes to me from a book or Sylvsgy is just herself...and i laugh, and for that moment i am so lost in laughter that i forget, and that's a really cool thing.2. perspective - having some helps. I'm alive and well, I'm not yet tied down by a job I dislike or surrounded by weirdos I can't stand. Everyone I deeply love and care for is also alive and well. and so many great things. My life ain't bad!!3. music - listening to songs that mean nothing to me, but sound good or listening to MC because she knows what she's singing about.