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me: one thing i told my mom that is hardest about thisis that i loved him. and i think what we had was special. and the hardest is letting go because it almost feels like im letting go of what was special and it breaks my heart to think that if he thinks of me he doesn't think of what was great

he thinks that i am a spiteful bitch i know it takes time, but i really hope he can someday think good things about me and our relationship

friend: justine i'm going to stop you there

your mom will agree with me

it will never matter what he thinks

that is not your f'ing problem

me: g.d. i know but i cant help it (right now)

i know u told me at one pt u wanted to know u meant something to her

friend: yeah but that was stupid

me: i cant wait until i think it's stupid

friend: that was pride

the only reason i could possibly care what she thinks, is to justify how i feel

and how i feel is how i feel and requires no justification from anyone else

me: how did u feel

friend: like it meant a lot

like it was the best i had

but shit, i mean

if you bet it all on a great hand, and lose, that's poker

and when you buy in again, you have to bet what you have

not what you used to

and remembering "man remember when i had that flush and still lost" isn't going to get your chips back

Authorjustine lee