there are countless examples of love fading, corrupting, shaming, destroying, and ending. in the past few months, i've heard first hand accounts from friends, I've experienced it before, I've watched it unfold on television (see: Mad Men), in print, in my dreams. people get bored. not just guys who fell in love with pretty girls who were not so smart, not just in the conventional sense, but with how they handled their love, expressing it most often with jealousy, cold shoulders, and running away, waiting to be chased, and then embraced, i love you forever in a hug, but that doesn't happen. so they claw desperately for whatever they can get. falling in love over time and time after time turns into guilt into resentment and a few years in, you're so many layers deep in disrespect that it's too late to ever feel what you did the first time you said I love you. guys get bored with pretty girls who are smart, too. guys get bored, but so do girls.
the love I see between my parents?
It's not the kind of love anyone starts out wanting. I don't think it's necessary to paint a picture of the times that sucked, as it is important to share something I saw today.
my mom and I were video chatting since she's in Taiwan visiting family, and I brought my computer down to show her Cooper, my dog, not expecting my dad would join the conversation. my dad didn't say hello, no pleasantries, just went straight into asking my mom had she any contacts in Taiwan in the system integration business. She said no, they were in China, and then he sat himself down on a stool to face her. I walked away, set the table, and let them have their time. She asked him how work was, he answered, and told a story about a guy he works with excitedly. There was a punchline. He laughed, she laughed. a few more exchanges. he didn't say goodbye, just Here's Justine now.
That doesn't sound like anything great or substantial, I know, but to me, that 10 minute conversation they had on Skype, across thousands of miles, and few timezones, made me think that I would be so lucky to have what they have someday. I don't think they're madly in love, but there's something between them that only 30+ years of knowing each other, 28 years of marriage, 27 years of parenting together, could make happen. and that to me is something so special and worth celebrating.
It's so hard to believe in love amidst so many examples of it failing, but until I have no choice, I'm going to.